I'm a liar with the best of intentions

You must know that I am lying through my teeth.
You must know that I cause you pain intentionally.
You must know that I am most selfish of all beings.

I am not as I appear.

You appraise me as beautiful.
I am an ugly mess of brokenness.

You envision me to be honest and raw.
I am fake as plastic boasting to be redwood.

You perceive me as unselfish and forgiving.
I protect my self above all else and hold grudges like the devil.

You do not want me.
If you could unearth my genuine soul, you would turn away in disgust.
If you only knew the hate I have spewed, the mistakes I have made, and the regrets.
You would not want me.

But you are blinded by something I am unaware of.
I cannot appraise myself to be a wonder.
But you see me as such.

Oh! I wish I had will to turn you away!
To wound your feelings before I wound your soul.
For I am a disappointment.

I lie to you and yet you pursue!
Why?
What is this in me that lightens your eyes and your heart?

I will continue to lie,
With the best of intentions.
But you must know I love you.
I just can't give you that hope.